I BROUGHT A CAMERA - exciting times ahead

This is it. This is my secret. I brought a second hand camera from Ebay. A little Canon 400d because it was recommended to me by another photographer as a good base. Not that I am planning on becoming a photographer by any means, but some decent blogging photographs is just what I’ve want to start to achieve and as soon as it is delivered I just might be able too. 

I just need to purchase a remote control and a tri-pod now and I’ll be laughing. Tips and tricks are most certainly welcome. 

I know most people will probably frown at the idea of me purchasing a second hand camera but this is the best thing I’ve been able to scrape for to bring my self-confidence up a little all year. I find it very difficult to afford things, a mixture of being a very poor saver and having to hold up a significant part of my household on minimum wage until my annual review at work. It wasn’t very expensive and I am very nervous about the fact that maybe it won’t be very good but the items look good from all the photos of the equipment I was sent and the description seemed very well written and encouraging. 

Either way, this is a step in the right direction for my own self improvement. I’m very much trying to find a balance of making myself happy and a priority and evening out my life spending.  

Here’s to trying something out. 


I was very naughty and purchased the butterfly lace open cup bra and some eyelash lace micro ouverts ( Mine will be black to match ) from http://nearerthemoon.com/ - Tilly is amazing and I’ve been struggling to find a month where I could afford a whole set. 

And to say I’ve wanted this bra is a massive understatement.

Little to say. I have been bad. 

I am going to need to take this shooting. 


We will either find a way, or make one.

 Organising a photography submission is much harder than anybody ever anticipates – unless you have one of these rare people who organise each shot by each shot and come up with a small flawless selection of imagesm you are probably like me. A 5’3 body of unstoppable creative chaos without thought.  Shoot approximately 500 or more images with a photographer who kicks some serious buttocks then trail through a series of emotional stages to come together with a final few images to submit.

Little to says this whole process leaves me emotionally drained and cursing my inability to change my spots – I need to focus more so on such things and keep preserving until I have a little more fine-tuning in myself but regardless the roller coaster that I currently endure always ends with such an overwhelming feeling of gratification to everyone on board that every second is worth it.

You always start of with the excitement of seeing the unedited images and getting over – enthusiastic about everything.  Trawling through every single one every other hour because you want to look at them again. And again. Oh go on just one more time.

Until you start picking images out to go towards the team’s efforts of whittling down to less than 10 or so images.


“This one is perfect !


Oh no I take it back… that one


Oh that that one has an amazing angle


Wait the other one made me look less asian”


And so on so forth for the following few days until the frustration of narrowing down images sets in.

You realise certain poses don’t tie in with the other ones, and that first couple of sets you did against a different background just didn’t work. Look amazing; just doesn’t tie in with the other shots you have. Then you get irritated that you didn’t shoot that other garment on the other background that works and start loosing aspects you didn’t expect.  A little ritualistic self critique and reflection evolves you for the next time to start doing this, mistakes you won’t make again because your mentally scorning yourself for not doing it that time around.

Of course this kind of emotional trauma extends to the whole team and you flip backwards and forwards until you start collating the final images as they get processed into a little folder and hope edges back in.

Then finally the heart-stopping wonderment that it is all coming together makes you swoon for your final edits. Congratulations go al round, your appreciation for everybody who was on board becomes much more real and your understanding of other creative outlets from other team members makes you a much better person all round.

Of course, you’ll only go through it in another manner again another time but for a final submission, setting out to potential print or online posting in all their glory, its all worth it.

 Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.

I managed to get in a shoot I’ve had booked for a couple of months with a photographer called Drew Paul and a MUA Charley Payne for a creative day all harnessed around a very beautiful white dress by a local designer ( Of whom I did not get the name of but will be sure to post it up when I do ) and a cheeky little notion of a Sanctus Dress I own and don’t get to wear enough. 

Drew is in the process of building and setting up a studio - pardon me - set of studios as for models, bands and other creatives of any type to enjoy and what a set up. The entire design and organisation of the building and studios is enthralling and come opening time in a couple of weeks I urge anyone around the Milton Keynes area to go and check it out.

Anyway, aside from the exciting studio event my shoot with Drew was a breath of fresh air. When you bring modelling into your life as a creative outlook, but something you do to socialise and let loose, you often do your own makeup. To have Charley there was nothing less than wonderful and she brought another level to the work - and considering she is only 17, with some creative outlets, some hard pushing and an open mind she will good far. The same can be said for Drew who, only 12 months into the photography game, is finding creative footing and bringing new perspectives and aspects to his photography. It is the first time in a very very long time that somebody else has organise an outfit for me - I bloody loved it!

Steve - my now experienced photographic chauffeur -  got me there and back and we enjoyed a day of some very intense but oh so worthwhile shooting. With a couple of miniature sets for instant release and the main selection of images to be tucked away for submission the day was successful as I could ever imagine and I cannot wait to bring out a couple for you all to see in the coming weeks.

Sadly the location shots may or may not make the cut, we shall see, for now, a little behind the scenes sneak peak… 


Happy 4th July. 


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Nothing has the essence of female form like such a quote.


Your opinion is the only definition of beautiful because everything is beautiful to someone else because of varying reasons. A little bit of an odd complex, but true nonetheless. Whereas one person will put you down for how you make yourself look another will praise you, and such the world goes round. Criticism is something that we sadly all have to endure and every single woman in the world will belittle themselves for. From schoolgirls to models, to large women, to small women, to asians, white and blacks.  There is no specific or trait, just opinion.


Watch out for the joy-steals: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding and a negative, judgmental attitude.  Don’t take anything personally – nothing others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. You are the only person that needs to be happy, and if you have a route to take to be happy then take it. Walk it with pride, strength and passion – as long as you remain healthy nothing can stop you.


More often than not I find myself struggling with myself. Whether it is from the opinions of others, how they perceive me and what they say about me, or my own troubles from finding fault in myself. My smile is a difficult thing for me to come to terms with, as are the scars on my body from a lifetime of living, albeit short as it is so far. But as much as I have difficult days and moments of uncontrollable jealousy where I peer upon other beautiful people ( And hell there are a lot in my little circle of social media ) I find some solace that I am here, I am living and I will keep working at myself. Bettering my personality, bettering my body with gentle workouts and living in the understanding that kindness is free.


And a little goes a long way. 
So say to someone every so often, ‘hey, you look really nice today’, because they do. And so do you.

Image by Fiendarella 

It is difficult to blog about the most seemingly dull everyday things when you do them day in and day out complimented by the general assortment of rubbish life throws at you. I have managed to seemingly write four or five blogs which have come to nothing more than a writers dreaded hatred and been deleted promptly.

The thing is although I find my days boring it most likely isn’t, sadly it is more often than not information that I cannot give out freely due to data protection laws and the common decency of keeping peoples information sacred (Although apart from the great deal of imbeciles trying to commit fraud out there I wish I could name and shame.)

Therefore why on frequent occasions I drift into a void of nothingness and cease to blog. It is a habit that I would love to break but I don’t have as much publicity to blog about menial things and people find them thrilling or the creativity to jazz up me putting on my old leather boots.

Nonetheless I will start bringing more of my ‘real life’ into my blogging and try and open up a little to see if anyone can relate to my human issues and triumphs as so they can share some experiences with me and get to know me a little. I’ve been very closed off from not only the internet but the people around me for a while and it is time to break free – waiting around doesn’t do it, hoping someone will pull you out of your own void doesn’t do it.

 It is all down to you, and you alone.

Plus on a modelling side I have shoots booked in now with Mr Chris Beasley and Mr Michael Lait for October/September and will be shooting with Drew Paul this weekend with my first bridal inspired outfit. Not only that but the snake shoot is coming together, I’ve got some final images hidden away ready to send to publications and hopefully have something beautiful in print – fingers crossed touch wood.

 So… Here’s to more blogging to come .

Sorry i must have mixed you up with someone else!Please excuse my mistake,Regards George.

No worries! Sorry I couldn’t help more.